Also, I Can Kill You With My Brain*

I'll admit it: technology frightens me. I'm a bit of a luddite. Though to clarify, it only really scares me because it's so expensive. Should I shamble past a 50" flat screen plasma TV at your local electronic store, I look in the dull reflection of its black screen and see my penury. I see myself huddled in rags, accidentally kicking a new window/doggie door in the west wing of my cardboard mansion as I feverishly clutch my huge television to myself, promising it that we will one day find a tolerant people who will not scoff at our glorious love. Sadly, I'm at a stage in my life where, economically speaking, I could probably afford a refrigerator magnet if I saved up for a few months. That said, I'm no Mr. Wizard, but I'm pretty sure this thing is a smidge beyond magnetism and liquid crystal displays:

This product...it just plain scares me. Not because I'm convinced it'll fry my brain when I don it triumphantly (it will) or because I'm concerned it'll tell me to do strange things like lather the light fixtures in strawberry preserves (it will) should I find myself alone in a room with it. Rather, it's simply unsettling to learn that they actually have technology that can essentially read your brainwaves, and more disturbing still, that this technology is commonplace enough that they're about to mass market it to the troglodytes who routinely set their toaster beside the bath since, golly, sometimes you just want a hot buttered English muffin while neck deep in Mr. Bubble.

As it turns out, this little dish--the EPOC Neuroheadset--will come with (among other things) a game "styled in ancient Chinese mythos," which I can only imagine means Chow Yun Fat will be jumping on tree tops in it. The sky/environment will change appearance depending on the wearer's mood and focus, and will contain such challenges as manipulating objects within the game solely through concentration. The reveiwer actually wrote "The process felt similar to what we might imagine The Force might be like. Simply willing the stone to rise didn't work, nor did focusing too heavily on the object. Rather, it was more a singular thought of envisioning movement, that, when sustained, exacted change in the game." Finally! A definitive way to prove to friends and family that I am a Force sensitive. Cause I'm telling you, wearing a brown bathrobe and reminding my wife that "The Force is strong with this one" just hasn't been cutting it these past few years.

I know. It's a mystery to me, too. Chicks dig Jedi.


*A bright shiney quarter goes to whomever can tell me what I took the title of this post from.