Dancing with the Stars

I clearly haven't been keeping up with this blog, and there isn't much that would light enough of a fire under my ass to take it back up again, at least not until the semester's over...and then I saw this.


Needless to say, my face liquified like that Nazi who beheld the Ark of the Covenant in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Not in a good way, either, like a killer guitar solo melts face. No, this is like actual face melting: an unmistakable sign of divine, seriously Old Testament displeasure with man's folly.

I'm really at a loss here, so I'll have to go collect myself later and decide whether I have it in me to edit the post and write some more. For now, though, here are a few thoughts:

1) George Lucas sends cease and desist orders to random bars that have marathon Star Wars movie nights, but endorses this? What kind of drugs is he on (apart from the ones he must take daily to prevent his neck-sack from continuing to inflate and engulf his head)?

2) No fucking way Han Solo would be in a mood to dance right before being encased in Carbonite.

3) Where's Vader in all this? He was a humorless dick when he was still Anakin Skywalker (spoiler!); I can't imagine he's down with the hippity hop.

4) If there is one person in the Star Wars universe who should be hosting a dance party, I readily grant that Empire Lando Calrissian, complete with the blue cape of a space pimp, is the only man for the job. That is the one element of this game with which I have no qualms.

5) Han Shot first.

6) Who puts a DJ station in a mineral refinery? Empire makes abundantly clear that Bespin's operations are run by droids and small, likely enslaved alien species, neither of which would merit the courtesy of background music in the workplace. And wouldn't that be distracting? Industrial operations have significant safety concerns to begin with. Start playing some Rhianna, your maiming statistics spike, and next thing you know, the Galactic Empire revokes your permits. Stupid.

7) I like to think that Han Solo would be a better dancer than this.

8) This likely cancelled Chewbacca's life-debt to Han, as Han is clearly already dead inside.

Any points I miss? Feel free to share your insights and condolences for the Star Wars universe in the comments section.