This may be coming a little late in the season, what with summer drawing to an end and people returning to school. Then again, perhaps this is timed right: if long, unattended hours at home for little Billy were the perfect opportunity to experiment with empty toilet paper tubes and a belt sander, the inconvenient intrusion of learnin' once more into his daily routine will necessarily put a dent in his stats. Perhaps, then, he can ride this decline all the way to a complete cessation of self abuse. Unless, of course, he hates kittens:
Of course, he might. It is not unheard of for people to dislike kittens, what with their surly attitudes and complete inability to articulate complex ideas. This is why Santa Clause, a venerable saint of the Catholic Church (albeit a Lycian one) has also decided to become proactive and address an open letter to you:
"And it wasn't just once either, my wee friend! Oh, what a naughty, prolific rascal you've been! Ho, ho, ho!"
Now if a chronically obese bearded man, drunk off eggnog and possessing the magical power of breaking into your house once a year isn't enough to scare kids straight (well, flaccid, I suppose), then I don't know what will. Kitten-haters.
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