Apparently, a pair of concerned citizens are filing suit against the parties responsible for this particle collision machine to put the project on hold, granting additional time for what they claim are much needed safety considerations. What sort of considerations, you ask? The fear-monger responsible for giving me insomnia lists the following gems: creating a series of microscopic black holes that could combine together to form a much larger gravity well and, I imagine, collapse the whole planet in on itself; magnetic monopoles, which I surmise have something to do with magnets and possessing only one pole (like a fire station?); and my personal favorite, strangelets. Now if you're anything like me, you'll assume strangelets are a new breath freshener designed to lodge themselves in your throat, or perhaps a sexy bevy of background singers and dancers who promise to choke the life out of you. As it turns out, "strangelets" are subatomic particles that could theoretically transform anything they touch into similar kinds of matter in a kind of Midas affect that I can only assume would gradually turn our entire planet into a big grapefruit or something. Rest easy, though, because an expert retorts, "We see no evidence of this bizarre theory." Helpfully, he continues: "Once in a while we trot it out to scare the pants off people. But it's not serious." Thanks, asshole.
Now, normally I'm not one to help spread paranoia, but is it me, or does that HLC thing look a whole helluva lot like the inside of the Death Star?
No? Maybe if you close an eye or huff some paint? I don't know. I've had a long week. But if one moment you're sitting at home screaming at Tyra on America's Next Top Model (as one does) and the next you're in line at the pearly gates, be secure in your knowledge that it's the fault of some scientists working on particle collision deep underneath the French-Swiss border who have accidentally done the equivalent of crossing the streams. And if this doesn't obliterate us all in a flash but rather tears a hole in space time and allows Zuul to finally reach our plane, remember: If someone asks you if you're a god, you say 'yes.'
5 comments:
My favorite part of the article is towards the end where he cites "...that the collider may not reach its full power of 14 trillion electron-volts until next year." If this seemingly large value ruffles the feathers of anyone who's forgotten their high school physics, remember that the value of an electron-volt is unbelievably small (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electronvolt).
14 trillion electronvolts is equivalent to 5.357e-10 Kcal or .000000000537 Calories like you see on the back of a food product. I'm no dietitian, but that can't be more then you've spent reading this post.
Get the pitchforks and torches!!!
Dammit, Mark. I don't know what you just said. I made it just past the URL link, when I saw the whole 5.357e-10 thing and then I woke up in a hospital in Guatamala.
Alright, last try. I hate this blog's format!
Article on Steven Hawking talking at CalTech last week. He's not worried about the mini black holes, so I'm not!
Article Link
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