I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't bring myself to post for over two weeks, and now I make three posts in the course of an hour (or so). Although, I don't know if these last two even count as posts, since I'm basically just poaching "the funny" (the judges would also have accepted 'bogarting the funny,' 'Winona Rydering the funny' or 'Juno, Alaska' as acceptable alternatives) from another site. Ah well. I never pretended to originality. Anyway, here are my top five favorite bad ice-breakers, once again shamelessly taken from our friends at RADAR online.
"You might recognize me from your window."
"Do you come to this hospital chapel often?"
"Want to hear a joke? Okay, first I have to know if anyone here is Jewish, gay, or a raccoon that's recently been drugged or sodomized."
"Well, well, well. If it isn't the guy who took the last Zima."
"The Muppets are bullshit, and let me tell you why."
5 comments:
It's odd, but I believe you have been hit with an advertisement in your comments section. I hope you have a way of managing your comments and can delete it, as anyone going to the aforementioned site might get their ip address or email nabbed.
With regard to your recent bevy of posts, I can't fault you because I asked that you write some more, if only to entertain myself when I'm hopelessly bored in dentist's chairs and the occasional aereopuerto. (that las for our spanish speaking advertiser).
I don't know if these if it's because it's 5 in the morning, but I think these would be really normal in a lot of grad school conversations. What do you think?
;)
"I wouldn't call them actual voices. More like hyenas scratching at the walls of my brain."
[Applying hand sanitizer.] "Nothing personal."
"Everything Smurfy over here?"
"When was the last time you stared into the headlights of an oncoming car and thought, Is today the day I grow a pair?"
[Laughing nervously.] "You're just going to talk to me until someone better comes along, aren't you?"
"They're night-vision goggles, and no, I won't be removing them."
The second to last one you quoted, Tina, the one about someone talking until they find someone better, used to be a common thought in my head when I talked to strangers. Thankfully it has abated somewhat, but not so much as to say the ol' self-esteem is fully repaired. Thank you, junior high!
I am writing on behalf of the Pacific Northwest. As a long-time Oregonian (3 months), I feel I speak for all residents of the Beaver State, the Evergreen State and whatever the hell Alaska is.
Your friends up here in the wild, untamed corner of the continent wish to ask you to cease this libelous slander of the Alaskan metropolis of Juneau. Yes, 'Juno' is probably easier to type and has less associations with those damn French, but the only state capital not accessible by car demands respect!!
. . . though we have to admit, a loofah rubdown does sound pretty good right now.
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