JAPAN: Where Taking Real Life Too Seriously Just Isn't Enough

Let me preface this by saying that I completely realize that the line between digital worlds and real life can sometimes, under certain circumstances, become hazy--typically when I have a few beers in me and a nine year old is walloping the sweet shit out of me on Halo 3. That's bad enough, but when said grade schooler then starts lobbing slurs at you that he, by all rights, shouldn't even know, then it's time for Colonel Gentleman to remind the kid his mom doesn't love him and his dad has a whole other family in another state. Or that his teacher told me she thinks he's stupid and finger paints like a special-needs chimpanzee. One of the two usually does the trick. But I digress.

Believe it or not, this post isn't necessarily just about people being bat-shit insane within the safe anonymity of cyberspace, but rather when said craziness bleeds into the real world. Case in point: last week, a Japanese woman found herself suddenly divorced from her virtual husband on Maple Story without notification of any kind. No doubt she believed the split was without provocation either, but who among us can say that, after being dumped, we confessed, "Hell, I really fucking deserved that." Anyway, she decided to murder the son of a bitch in response. Why is this really all that newsworthy, you may ask? Because she had the good sense to keep it in the digital realm from which this all-too real anguish sprang. In other words, she logged on her "husband's" account and deleted the character. If only this lesson could be applied to us men in the real world: if we feared actually ceasing to be the moment we spurn another, there would be a whole lot less douchebaggery...and a lot less men period, until the human race could no longer sustain itself as the only survivor would be Jared from Subway, who seems like a nice enough guy, but not quite the genetic stock you want to repopulate a planet with.

Anyway, the 33 years young man who had his Maple Story avatar deleted by the 43 years young piano teacher who lives 650 miles away is apparently a little upset over the altercation. And rather than contact the company that maintains Maple Story to see if his character can be retrieved or some other sort of compensatory gesture can be made, they've arrested the lady responsible. If charges are pressed and she is convicted, "she faces up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $5,000." Come on, lady. At least have the class to strap on an adult diaper and drive the 650 miles (in her undoubtedly adorable and fuel efficient car) to confront the man in person like we would here in the States. Simply deleting his character is far too passive aggressive, and thus plays right into the misogynistic stereotypes we misogynists hold. Next time just stab the fucker and cover your tracks. That I can get behind.